Every Abuse Begins Where Light Loses Its Limit
Why a loving parent, a dedicated therapist, or a worried partner can become abusive. The secret is the "Screen."
“How is it possible that the people who love us the most are sometimes the ones who hurt us the most? Where is the line between care and suffocation, between love and abuse?”
Every abuse begins and ends in the place where the Light lost its Boundary. Meaning, in a place where there is no Vessel.
Any Light that does not clothe itself in a Vessel—destroys. Because it lacks a framework.
An “abusive” person is not necessarily an evil person at their core. They are a person whose Will, Power, Fear, Love, or “Righteousness” has gone out of internal order. They have ceased to distinguish between Themselves and The Other.
The Root of the Problem: Confusion between Influence and Control The Ramchal teaches that Evil is created when there is a confusion between the Influencer (Mashpia) and the Receiver. The person takes—instead of influencing. Penetrates—instead of meeting. Uses—instead of being present.
This only happens when there is no clear boundary line: Between Me and Other. Between Need and Will. Between Influence and Control.
The Absence of the “Screen” (Masach) In the Tanya, it is explained that the Animal Soul is not evil, but rather lacking a Screen. It wants—and therefore it takes. And if there is no internal boundary, even “good” emotions like love, worry, or spirituality can turn into violence.
Baal HaSulam is even more precise: Evil is not the Will to Receive itself. It is receiving without limitation. Without a “Screen.” Without a pause that recognizes the separate existence of the other.
The Boundary as a Condition for Love The Screen is not suppression. It is a condition for True Love. Because only a boundary creates Space. And only Space allows for a meeting that is not intrusive.
“The Boundary is the place where Life can be created without being forced.”
Therefore, the equation is mathematical:
A Parent without boundaries = Abusive.
A Therapist without boundaries = Harmful.
A Partner without boundaries = Suffocating.
A Leader without boundaries = Becomes a Tyrant.
And Light without a boundary = Becomes a Spiritual Shell (Klipa).
Abuse starts exactly at the moment when someone did not stop themselves. And it ends only when the Light returns to clothe itself in a Boundary.
This is the only condition for Humanity, for Love, and for Redemption.
Reflect:
The Flood: Where in your life are you giving “too much” until it becomes oppressive to the other person? That is Light without a Vessel.
The Identification: When you feel suffocated in a relationship, is it because of the other person’s malice, or because they lost their “Screen”?
The Correction: The greatest love you can give someone is sometimes to take a step back. To create space.