How to Know What to Want
The difference between a desire born of lack and a desire born of the Source.
THE INQUIRY: “I feel paralyzed by big decisions. I don’t know if what I want is actually good for me, or if it’s just my ego chasing validation, security, or distraction. How do I distinguish between a ‘True Will’ and just another temporary craving? How do I know what is right to want?”
The question “How do we know what is right to want?” is born from a hidden assumption that there is a list of “correct” desires, and if we crack the code, we will arrive at rest.
There is no “correct desire” in and of itself. There is a desire that is in agreement with its root.
The True Will is not chosen by the intellect, and it is not dictated from the outside. It is revealed when a person stops wanting in order to fill a lack, a fear, loneliness, or a need for recognition.
As long as the will is born of Lack— even if it is “spiritual”— it is the will of the vessel closed within itself. Such a will shall always beget tension, dependency, and fatigue.
The Right Will is a will that undergoes purification. It does not ask to take from reality, but to equalize with it.
The 20th-century sage, Baal HaSulam, explains that the test is not what I want, but from what place the will operates.
If the will is contracted, pressured, pushing, demanding a result— it is still the offspring of the Ego, even if it is wrapped in beautiful words.
If the will is quiet, open, willing to wait, willing to change— it is already touching the Root.
The 18th-century mystic, the Ramchal, teaches that a person is not required to invent a will, but to remove the noise that covers it.
When the will aligns with the soul, it is felt as internal direction. There is no drama in it. There is no urgency. There is no “if not now, then all is lost.” There is Presence.
The foundational Book of Zohar calls this “A Will from Above that clothes itself Below.” The Upper Will reveals itself through the human being when he stops grasping.
The Right Will is a will that expands connection. Not necessarily to a specific other, not to a specific goal, but to Life itself.
A will that increases truth, freedom, connection, and the ability to love without clinging. Such a will never disconnects you from yourself, and never demands that you diminish your being in order to exist.
Therefore, one does not “know” what is right to want. One feels.
A will that births quiet—even if it is challenging—is a will connected to the Root. When a person stops chasing after the Right Will, the Right Will finds him.
Reflect:
The Urgency Test: Look at something you “want” right now. Is there a panic or a “must” attached to it? That is usually the Ego. True Will has the patience of a mountain.
The Contraction Test: When you think about this desire, does your chest expand (connection) or tighten (fear of not getting it)?
The Noise Test: If you couldn’t tell anyone about this achievement, would you still want it?
The conversation continues in the comments. Share a time you followed a “Quiet Will” instead of a “Loud Want.”