STOP ERASING YOURSELF IN THE NAME OF SPIRITUALITY
Love is not self-cancellation, and if someone's "great light" is shrinking your soul, that isn't holiness—it's control
The Trap of Holiness
After decades of marriage, it is easy to fall into the trap of forcefully trying to unite someone’s high soul with their toxic physical behavior. A person can have good intentions, hold a genuine fear of heaven (Yirat Shamayim—a total connection to the Source), and possess a massive amount of light. And in the exact same breath, they can be someone who drinks, holds extreme views, and constantly broadcasts to their family that they are never enough, that they think incorrectly, and that they are drowning in the base desires of this world.
The real struggle here isn’t just their behavior; it is the exhausting internal war of trying not to lie to yourself. You try to keep an open mind and let the wave pass just to keep the peace, but the physical reality is that your soul is suffocating.
The Architecture of Awe
The source code of spiritual architecture is absolutely clear: True fear of heaven expands the vessel. When a frequency is actually connected to the Source, it creates expansion, love, and room to breathe. If you and your children are constantly shrinking around this person, there is a massive structural gap that must be acknowledged.
You cannot survive this reality if you keep trying to mash the light and the darkness into one unified picture. You are completely allowed to see a person’s good traits, and in the exact same breath, admit that their daily behavior is eroding, belittling, and creating absolute repulsion. The physical repulsion you feel is not a lack of spirituality on your part. It is a precise physiological and spiritual signal that something inside of you is closing its doors just to protect itself.
The Boundary
Holding this complexity means you have to hold yourself first. You must agree to look at the situation and say, “I see the good in you, and I am absolutely struggling to bear the reality of living with you.” You hold both truths without canceling either side.
A spiritual life is never supposed to numb your human senses. Love is not self-cancellation. Once you stop denying the reality, you can actually start building new boundaries, creating healthy emotional distance, and changing your reaction patterns. You do this not out of denial of their light, and not out of guilt that you aren’t “containing” them enough. The question is no longer whether they have light. The question is whether, inside of all that light, there is any room left for you to actually exist.
ORIYA’S NOTE
Look at how we take massive concepts like “spirituality” and “holiness” and use them to justify completely toxic behavior.
Think about it. A woman is living for 30 years with a guy who drinks, neglects his physical reality, and blasts extreme opinions that drive everyone insane. And the worst part? He plays the “righteous” card. He runs a crusade on his wife and kids, telling them they are “gripped by desires” and just aren’t spiritual enough. And she sits there, eating herself alive, feeling guilty that she is physically repulsed by him, because he supposedly has “great light and good intentions.” We call this faith, but in reality, it is just the blinding ego of a man crushing his own house under the disguise of serving the Creator. I know that ego. I know that rage where you just want to destroy her chutzpah and make her sorry she isn’t worshipping you. It’s the exact same mechanism.
The architecture here is brutal and clear. It says: stop trying to glue his high soul to his garbage behavior. It doesn’t work. If his spirituality is making you shrink and making your kids feel small and defective, that is not a connection to the Source. That is pure control. Love does not mean erasing your own existence just so he can feel holy. Stop lying to yourself, stop canceling your natural repulsion, and start building a boundary that actually protects you.