The One Who Hurts Their Spouse, Hurts Themselves
Why criticism in marriage is spiritual suicide, and why your living room is the only place where the Messiah can be revealed.
“We grew up seeing our parents fight and criticize each other. We think it’s normal. Is it really that bad to make a comment or criticize my spouse? Isn’t that how we improve?”
We received a corrupted form of looking at relationships from our parents. We believe we have a permit to criticize, to comment, to “fix” our partner. We have no such right.
The fact that it seems legitimate to fight is the most severe thought imaginable. Baseless Hatred (Sinat Chinam) begins at home. “Love your neighbor as yourself”—starts with your wife/husband.
The Spiritual Reality: One Body Marriage is a model within a model representing the Holy One and the Shechina. Relationship is one thing, not two. It is one entity. “He who bruises his wife, bruises himself.”
A person is considered “Half a Body” (Palga Gufa) without a spouse.
Male is half. Female is half. Completeness is only found in the union. Therefore, any insult to the spouse is an insult to your own limb. It is the law of a person committing suicide.
The Divine Image (Tzelem Elokim) Man was carved from the Throne of Glory. The root reaches the very Essence of the Creator. To call your spouse “stupid” or “donkey” is to trample on the Divine Image.
If a person cannot succeed with his friend (his spouse), he will not succeed with his God. Decency (Derech Eretz) precedes Torah. You cannot understand Torah without honoring the human being next to you.
The Hollywood Delusion This generation thinks relationships are Hollywood. This is vanity and the cruelest imagination. People marry fantasies. They go to the pub, pose, fall in love with the mask, and then discover two liars.
Marriage is the Work of a Lifetime. It is the correction of Adam and Eve. Adam abandoned his wife (” The woman You gave me...”). How do you dare hurt a woman? To betray is not just physical; it is not being with your spouse in thought. A person must be enveloped in his wife.
From Taking to Giving All frustration comes from the Expectation to Receive. This creates anger, disappointment, and criticism. You married someone to nurture them. Not to take from them.
You are the Guardian (Shomer) of your spouse.
You are their protection.
You are there to raise them to the highest Chamber (Heichal).
The Spiritual Law of Abundance The Creator wants to give abundance. To whom will He give it? If there is no “Vessel holding blessing” (Peace), the money and light leak out. If there is no Shalom Bayit (Peace in the Home), there is no vessel. We cheat each other, we keep scores, we say “You are a zero.” And then we wonder why life is hard.
The Practical Instruction:
Total Honor: Enter marriage with Awe. This is a Holy Temple.
No Criticism: Criticism is death. Encouragement is life.
Mutual Growth: Don’t sit on the couch. You must be willing to develop. If one stops, the other gets hit.
The Cherubs: The couple must be like the Cherubs on the Ark—facing each other, protecting the holiness between them.
Summary: Only in marriage can we reach Unconditional Love. The woman is the Shechina. The man is the Tzadik. See the Divinity through the body. That is the only way to bring the Messiah.
Reflect:
The Mirror: Look at your spouse. Do you see “The person who annoys me” or do you see “The other half of my own soul”?
The Tongue: Catch yourself before the next criticism. Swallow it. Replace it with a compliment. You just saved your own spiritual life.
The Fantasy: Are you angry because your spouse isn’t the “Hollywood Fantasy”? Drop the script. Start building the Temple.