WE ARE THE CRASH TEST DUMMIES OF LOVE
Why relationships are falling apart, and why it’s actually a sign of progress
The Fantasy In relationship, we are asking for a return to the Garden of Eden. We want to be fully understood. We want to be fully loved. We want to not be alone.
The Reality But the reality is two wounded people trying to build a whole. When two “lacks” seek wholeness in each other, the deepest places of the Ego are revealed: Control, fear of abandonment, the need for validation, jealousy, comparison, shame.
These things do not float up in work or friendship with the same intensity. Relationship presses the most ancient buttons. It is a surgical procedure without anesthesia.
The Disillusionment
You cannot reach mature love without passing through the death of the illusion of “Perfect Love.” The fantasy has to die so the reality can live.
The Transition Generation
We are a Generation of Transition.
On one hand: We are not willing to stay in bad relationships like in the past (suffering in silence for “stability”).
On the other hand: We do not yet know how to build a truly conscious and stable connection.
So there is a lot of trial and error. A lot of dismantling and reassembling. A lot of chaos.
The Bottom Line
Relationship is not designed to fill an existential void. It is designed to expose it, so you can finally own it.
Translated from the Hebrew Transmissions of Ruth Kedem
ORIYA’S NOTE
We are living through the messiest time in the history of human intimacy. And it’s not our fault. We are Beta Testers.
Our grandparents had a model: Stability above all. You stayed together for the farm, the kids, the village, and God. Even if you hated each other. Our parents cracked that model. They introduced Divorce. Now, we are trying to invent a new model: Sovereignty.
We want a relationship that is stable and passionate and spiritual and conscious. We want a partner who is our best friend, our lover, our therapist, and our shaman. That is a heavy load for one human being to carry.
Ruth calls us the “Transition Generation.” We left the prison of the old way, but we haven’t built the new house yet. We are camping in the desert. That’s why it feels so chaotic. That’s why the divorce rate is high. That’s why dating feels like warfare.
We are trying to do something our ancestors never did: Build a union based on Choice, not Need. Build a union based on Truth, not Survival.
It’s going to be messy. You’re going to break things. Stop judging yourself for not getting it right immediately. You are building the plane while flying it.