WHY HEALING FEELS LIKE GETTING WORSE
The reason you suddenly notice all your dirt
The Paradox
The closer you get to the Light, the more you see where you are dirty. It feels like you are sliding backward. Suddenly, you notice your ego, your anger, your jealousy, your pettiness. You think: “I’m getting worse.” No. You are getting Clarity.
The Demand
Light doesn’t stay a theory in a book. It demands a cleanup. The Soul doesn’t wait for “Perfect Conditions” to start the work. It starts scrubbing right inside the messy reality of your life.
The Gap
The gap between “Who I am” and “Who I want to be” hurts. It stings. But that Gap is the Workspace. Seeing the dirt is the only proof that the lights are finally on.
Translated from the Hebrew Transmissions of Ruth Kedem
ORIYA’S NOTE
We have this romantic idea that “Spiritual Awakening” feels like a spa day. We think: “I will meditate, I will do yoga, and I will feel peaceful and pure.”
Kabbalah says: Nope. Real spiritual work feels like turning on the lights in a hoarding house.
Stage 1 (Darkness): You are sitting in a dark room full of trash. You feel great because you can’t see the trash. You think the room is clean.
Stage 2 (The Light): You turn on a 10,000-watt floodlight. Suddenly, you see the dust, the cobwebs, the pizza boxes, and the cracks in the wall.
You panic. “Oh my god, look at this mess! I ruined the room!” You didn’t ruin the room. The mess was always there. You just Upgraded Your Vision.
This post is for anyone who feels like they are failing because they are suddenly aware of how judgmental or angry they are. You aren’t failing. You are just seeing in High Definition. Now grab a broom.